I don't know what my deal is. I'm filled with so much anger today. Sure, my spring break sucked and things aren't going exactly how I would want them.
Everytime I turn around, my past is biting me in the butt. My so called father treated me like crap the ENTIRE time I was home. I've spent months trying to move on from his abuse and alcoholism and within one week I was sucked right back into the middle of it. I had to make the decision that I'm never going back to stay there which mostly likely means I won't have a relationship with him. In some sense, I feel bad that I don't want him in my life, but why should I? He does nothing but tear me down. I've been a mess since I've been around him. I'm tired of him in my life. It's time to be done.
Then my so called friend ruined my last day with my boyfriend and I'm just pissed. Friends don't do that no matter what the circumstances are. To me it just showed how little she cares about my happiness.
Also to top things off my ex and his wife think it's okay to keep trying to contact me and it's really pissing me off. I stay out of their life for a reason... I DON"T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM. It makes me angry that he of all people after all the crap he did to me and put me through thinks he can keep putting his stupid selfish presence in my life. No, he lost that privilege when he decided to screw me over and treat me like dirt.
I'm angry because I went on spring break with goals and NOTHING got accomplished. I didn't even manage to get my license because of my stupid dad and I have no idea what to do.
And I'm mad that my boyfriend lives in Saint Louis and I'm sick of people telling me to find someone here. I just wish people would shut their mouths. I'm sick of hearing everyone's opinion. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I should be happy right now and I'm not and that's making me even more angry. I hate my stupid alcoholic dad who doesn't get it, my friend who thinks revenge gets her what she wants, stupid exes who don't get the hint, and stupid long distance.
UGH.
Mel-- Ok, so i know we havent known each other that long or know a ton about each other than what we've talked about. My dad was an alcoholic too. I know exactly what you are going through and after being cut down numerous times and abused I finally had to pull myself out of his life, although it was extremely hard. After I did that and he missed out on MANY years of my life his act finally started changing and he started realizing what he was missing out on. My mom and I used to have to go driving around to every bar looking for him because he would never come home. I can go on forever with this topic, so if you ever need anybody to rant to and just listen, or someone to talk to that has been there I am here for either one. As for your friend, is she really your friend for doing whatever she did? We all have our fair shares of people who screw us over and it seems to happen more at times than others. If Steven keeps trying to get ahold of you then don't answer or say anything back to him. If he knows it bothers you then he will just keep pursuing it no matter what he says. I have faith in you and Michael. Keep your head up! You are a very strong and smart girl. Only you know what decision is the best for you, nobody else. Don't listen to them. I am always here for you girlie! :)
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