Wednesday, August 31, 2011

There Will Be An Answer, Let It Be

Hey everyone!
I hope you all like the new look. I may still fiddle around with it, but I think for the most part I like my new blog look.
Classes have kept me fairly busy since they started last week. Overall, I am really enjoying them. I am taking two psyc courses for my minor (Child & Adolescent psyc and Lifespan Development), two Lit courses to finish off the Lit portion required for my major (Shakespeare and 20th century Female Novelists), and a simple Adult Wellness course for a gen. ed. credit. I've actually been intersted in the work so homework has been as enjoyable as homework could possibly get.
Monday I started working out at the gym again. And let me tell you, it was AMAZING. I forgot what a great feeling it was to just burn off all the stress of life.
For the most part, life has been good. I'm back on track with school and taking care of my body and it's a great feeling. I love it.
It's reminded me how life has its ups and its downs but really you've just gotta roll with the punches and let it take its natural course. Yes, last year sucked. But I NEEDED it to wake me up and make myself question the choices I had been making. Everything that happened to me and because of me, happened for this very reason.
Each day, I still hope to find that magical purpose for myself but who said that search had to be confusing AND miserable. No one. it should be fun, exciting, and momentous. And I am going to enjoy every minute of it and do the best for myself that I can. Yes, I'm going to hit some obstacles. But what would life be without a few road blocks? I don't have all the answers now but they will come to me as I go.
And that's only half the fun ;)
I hope everyone is having a great week. Much love. <3

Thursday, August 18, 2011

One Step At a Time

Hello blogging world!

Since I haven't post in a couple of weeks I decided to give a quick update.

My 21st birthday was awesome and I got to spend it with some great friends. It also forced me to put my new "guidelines" for this year into effect right away after some flakey friends and those friendships were ended. Who needs so called "friends" like that?

School starts next week and I'm a tiny bit nervous just because I did handle last year so horribly. In another sense I'm excited because I feel in so much more control than I did. Dean's List, here I come!

I have completely mapped out an eating plan and once school starts I'll have access to the gym to work out and get this weight loss popping.

I am also in the process of setting up my own fundraiser on campus to collect donations for the humane soceity. I am SUPER excited for this one! It's the least I can do to give back to an organization that does an awesome job getting animals adopted fast and reducinmg the number of animals that are euthanized each year. I am also cooking up a way to raise money for autism awareness that I hope is a success. =]

I guess my attitude has changed tremendously since a few months ago. A lot of people have been cut from my life and a lot of changes are in the making. It's exciting but scary. But in the end it's just what I needed.

Hope everyone is having a beautiful day!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Change is Gonna Come

Alright, so every birthday I make goals for the year with an image in mind of where I want to be at the end of the chapter. And after this year (more like the last 6 months or so) I REALLY need to establish some goals to get life back on track and be a better version of myself by the time I reach 22. I really want to devote this year to myself and bettering me no matter how much I'm going to have to self-discipline myself. I'm ready for this and I'm ready to utilize this upcoming chapter of my life for the best. My birthday is on Friday and means a lot more to me than being legal to drink. It means a fresh start after a year of mistakes and dumb choices. So, for this year I am going to dedicate it to getting myself back on track.
The goals I am going to accomplish are:

  • Establishing healthy eating and exercise habits to FINALLY reach that healthy weight

  • Make Dean's list BOTH semesters

  • Focus on my writing as a passion again and maybe get some things published

  • Leave ALL drama and toxic people behind

  • Get involved in a cause that means something to me (anti bullying, alcohol abuse, domestic violence, animal abuse, autism awareness)

  • Start reading for fun again

  • Make better more well-thought out decisions for myself


  • Do more for other people

  • Build my savings account and establish financial secruity for myself

That's what I've got for now. I'm sure I'll add to it as the year progresses. For now, I feel so motivated and ready to get this going. As for my blog, I'm going to start posting more helpful things for my readers and not just update on my life ALL the time or use my blog as a secondary journal. Also, starting Friday I think I'm going to start "Project 365" just to document this year in photos.

I hope everyone is well and wearing smiles on those beautiful faces. Until next time... :)

Monday, August 1, 2011

I Will Be Rising From the Ground

I normally avoid music by Disney stars because I'd rather not listen to the same songs as my 9 year old cousin but this song hit a soft spot. I think a lot of people can relate.
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The House That Built Me

Lately I have been feeling a bit homesick. I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that my upcoming birthday will be the first I've celebrated without any of my family. I'm excited for my birthday because I'll be surrounded by most of my closest friends but it bums me out some that none of my family will be around. All in all it has got me thinking a lot about "home." I feel like I've only blogged about the hardships of my childhood and the after effects it has had on my life. But to be fair, there was a lot of good things that I can look back on too and to this day, despite the hardships, I feel an ache for these things.
One thing ss definitely my mom. She really was my rock my entire life. I miss being able to talk and laugh with her while she cooked dinner. When I still had a bedtime it was an hour after my brother so I got to stay up and watch TV shows like "Law and Order: SUV" and "Without a Trace." Now anytime one of those shows come on, I have to call my mom because it makes me miss her. Staying up late on weekends and talking to my little brother is another thing I miss. When we were young we would wait until mom and dad fell asleep and we would get our toys out and play. I remember so many times we tried to muffle our laughing into pillows or had to run and dive back into our beds because one of our parents woke up. My brother and my mom were and always will be my BEST friends. I miss weekend visits to my grandpa's little pink house. Chatting with my now deceased grandma at the kitchen table or picking on my grandpa while he ate cookies and drank coffee. Eating popsicles or drinking lemonade with my brother on the back porch while my dad and Gramps worked on the old Dodge ram that always seemed to have something wrong with it. I miss racing bikes with my brother in the yard and how the red shed was always base. I miss cutting the grass and my grandpa's nickname for me. I miss seeing my grandpa's smile- the kind that reached his eyes and the little gleam he always had. My grandpa is the best man I've ever known even to this day. I of course miss family trips up to my grandma's small Indiana town where country music filled stores restaurants and the smell of coffee woke me every morning. When I think of the word "home" my grandma's town always pops into my head. Country quilts, homemade brownies, chasing my little cousins through the sprinkler, the creak of rocking chairs, and bonfires on cool Indiana nights. That's home. My grandma's town is and always has been my safe place. It's where my mom, brother, and I went every summer to get a break from dad, its where I healed my broken heart two years ago and it is where I always go when I need the warmth of home. It is my happy place. And as of last summer I miss my sister and her kiddos mote than I thought I would. I miss my sister's craziness and laughing with her over silly things and chasing my niece around. I thought I hated Missouri until I spent a summer in Foley.
I've had a tough past year and now that I'm turning 21 I feel like I've lost the girl I used to be. I feel like I've lost those roots that made me.... well me. These good memories along with the bad are what built me into the woman I am today. I feel like I need to get back in touch with those roots and find myself again. And I plan to. I complain and pity myself way too much when really I have tons of reasons to love this life I've been given. And I do. I love my life and the people in it and I cherish those things that built me.
 When they say home is where the heart is, they're right. and all these memories and more are with me everyday and I find home in them whenever I need to. "Home" is that kind of love that just never goes away even when life is beating you down.
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