Tuesday, May 22, 2012

He's Not So Little Anymore!

Here are some pictures from my baby brother's graduation. After car trouble, clothing malfunctions, and everything else in between, it was great seeing him walk across that stage. I'm so proud of him!!!

Me in my new dress before the graduation
my momma and me
class of 2012
James walking across stage
The Graduate

Dad, James, me, James, our sister Kelli, & niece Maci[/caption]

He's so proud!
4 years of hard work!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

A Letter to Myself

Outside of blogging, I also keep a personal journal that I write in old school style. Today I had some things on my mind so I wrote out a letter to myself of things that I've learned or picked up that I want my future self (and present, of course) to always remember. I'm sharing it here on my public blog because I was reading it, I thought maybe others could relate and may find some things to take away from it. Enjoy :)

Dear Future Self,

There are a lot of things I need you to remember if we are going to live a full, happy life. You can't be good enough for everyone nor can you please them. Live for you amd the people who love and deserve you will join in along the way. Be grateful for something everyday; it will keep you humble. Talk to those who love you each day; it will keep you grounded. You only get one body, take care of it. You're happiest when you're healthy. People come and go but the ones who are meant to be there always be there.  You are never given anything you can't handle. You were given this life because you are strong enough to lead it. Laugh always. Shrug off pointless stuff and cherish the big and small things that enrich your life. Especially the small things. Do what you love. Never settle for less. You always deserve better. Only keep those in your life who bring out the best in you. Life is too short to be anyone but the best possible version of yourself. Be at peace with the past and embrace the person it made you no matter how much heartache it may have taken. Forgive always, it frees you. Fall in love with your world and don't miss out on those beautiful imperfections each day brings. Define your own perfection instead of uses everyone else's definition. Love with your whole heart and never let it scare you. Love is always good. It's the things we fear that are most worth the risk. Sing in the shower; never be afraid to hear your own voice. Smile often even when you feel like frowning. Cry when your sad and vent when your mad; bottled emotions always backfire on you. Explore every opportunity that you can. Look forward to your somedays, live for the now, and cherish your yesterdays. Be kind; a good deed may make a whole world's difference to someone who needs it. Never judge. Mistakes are lessons learned and should never be dwelled upon. Dance in the rain or in the sun; the choice is always yours. Exercise contorl over what you must but accept when it's better to leave it up to fate. Don't live in black & white or shades of gray; find color. The golden rule is gold for a reason. Never take part in jealousy; Be happy for what others were blessed with. Everyone deserves happiness, don't waste time envying them when you could be finding your own. Love yourself unconditionally or no one else will. You are first and foremost, your own best friend. Find your balance, not just any balance. Pick yourself up every time you fall. Never speak cruely or harsh; kinder tounges get farther in life. Be honest with yourself. Trust instincts, you have them for a reason. Respect every opinion but never fake your own to fit someone else's. Learn to be thankful for the bad because without it, you wouldn't know the good. Always thank your parents, no matter what mistakes they've made. Don't hold grudges, they take away from your time spent living. And above all, stay true to yourself, your beliefs, and always keep faith.

Random Things My Best Friend May Not Even Know

I wanted to write a fun entry today because I'm in a pretty good mood so I thought this would be fun. Here is a list of random things about me that people (even those close to me) may not know:

  • My default ringtone (for now) is "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin Degraw. Special people get special ringtones like my parents are "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert, my Grandma is "Dirt Road Anthem" by Jason Aldean, and my sis is " Savior" by Rise Against.

  • Someday, maybe after I retire, I want to start my own animal rescue.

  • My favorite colors are pink, purple, and yellow.

  • I may be a writing major who reads a lot of Literature but I really love Nicholas Sparks (Don't judge!)

  • I am 21 and still can't type without looking at the keyboard.

  • I am a river city brat- every city I've spent major parts of my life in have been on rivers.

  • I've never been out of the midwest.

  • I'm a picky eater.

  • In the summer, I get a little obsessed with buying popsicles.

  • I hate buying clothes for myself.

  • It takes me forever to do math in my head and I still count on my fingers.

  • I still listen to 90's pop music regularly

  • I can't fall asleep if my feet are covered.

  • I actually keep every card I get and keep them in a huge box.

  • I reorganize things constantly because I get bored with things if i don't

  • I can't think clearly if my apartment is messy

  • My favorite age was 17

  • Semi trucks scare me

  • I am claustraphobic.

  • I grew up listening to classic rock like Bob Seger and Pat Benetar, spent my pre-teen years with Britney Spears and Hilary Duff, teen years with Bullet For my Valentine and Three Days Grace, and since I've been to college Jason Aldean, Tim McGraw, and Carrie Underwood. Needless to say, my iTunes have variety.

  • I was in a band called "Lil' Angels" in elementary and middle school lol.

  • Barbies were my favorite toys as a kid.

  • My perfect sundays are rainy ones.

  • I actually really love school and a life without homework and classes scares me a little.

  • Sunflowers and Pink Roses are my favorite.

  • My favorite month is October.

  • I've NEVER been stung by a bee.

  • My grandpa's house used to be pink. (It's an ugly beige color now lol)

  • I love grass.

  • As far as I know, I don't have any allergies.

  • I used to write a lot of poetry and song lyrics.

  • I really want to learn how to play piano.

  • My favorite scent is coffee and vanilla because it reminds me of my mom and grandma's house.

  • The only bone I've broken is my pinky finger.

  • If I could, I would love to be a stay at home mom who writes novels.

  • My ideal house is yellow.

I could keep listing random stuff but I'm sure you've had enough of me lol Have a great day everyone! <3

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Just Me

It's not a new story to anyone. We all struggle with who were are, who we were, and who we want to be. And sometimes we know who were are but we struggle with loving that person so we fight against it and try to be versions of ourselves that just don't work.

Sometimes, it's a matter of looking in the mirror and accepting yourself in whole whether it be your big hips, an inability to sing, or the fact that you still love the Backstreet Boys. If that's what you like, don't stray from it. Embrace those hips, sing if you want, and blast BSB. Don't hide what makes you the person you are.

It's all simple enough to say, but I just like anyone have really struggled with accepting and loving the person I am and was meant to be. I struggle with my body and my personality. I always think of what others are thinking of me even if I don't care about that person. It's hard to learn to let go and be yourself fearlessly. Hell, it's hard to be fearless. But sometime, we gotta wake up and think, hey life is too short. Why am I sitting here wasting it trying to be a version of myself that I'm not?

Truth: I'm never going to be thin, BUT I can be healthy. Truth: I don't have a true bitchy bone in my body. I'm a nice girl and I always am going to be that no matter who screws me over, leaves me out, or completely blows me off.

I'm "nice." I care how people are doing even when they couldn't give a single care about whether i'm even still alive. I send messages to former best friends congratulating them on getting married even after they kick me out of their wedding because I'm not living a way the deem acceptable. I shrug off things even when someone has hurt me because they left me out. I ALWAYS include people no matter what. That's who I am. And for awhile I've tried to fight being that nice girl becuase I've watched people who do shitty things get what they want in life. I've watched some pretty mean and not so great people get what they want. Truth is, no one gets what they deserve in life. I didn't deserve the father I had. My friend doesn't deserve her husband to deploy. but IT HAPPENS.  and people who are just plain rude get to walk around with perfect lives and be asses to those of us who actually care what kind of people we are.

"Be Kind."

That is the motto I live by and I'm going to stick to it. I'm going to go out of my way for people who don't return the favor and I'm going to be there for people who aren't always there for me. Why? Because the world needs more people to be kind. Not spiteful, negative, and bitter.

I believe in putting into the world what you want and that's how I will live. I will be positive when no one else is and cast all the negativity from my life. I will respect myself foremost and not allow others to treat me any way than how I've treated them. Life is about finding your balance like that between being nice to everyone and knowing when to stand your ground. And it'll take me some dissapointments, heart ache, and some dashed expectations but I'll find my ground and when I do I'll stand there firmly and proudly.

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Beginning of the End

I am officially a senior!
Dreadful junior year is finally over... okay it wasn't that bad but still. This was a stressful year. Between a lot of money problems, two of my best friends being gone, and other friends flaking out on me, this year kinda sucked BUT I ended it with pretty good grades so it wasn't all bad. Just a lot of lessons learned.
I'm pretty excited for summer. I'm working part-time at the library again and am in the process of setting up a second job. I'm ready to build myself back up financially and working is the best way to do that. I'm getting an apartment with my former roommate/one of my best friends so I'll need the money plus I have a lot to save up for like some road trips, a car, and hopefully the summer writing program in Europe next year. It'll be my last chance to do it so I'm praying I have the funds this time plus it'll be after I graduate so that'll help with some money.
Also, I'm planning on writing my little hand off this summer because I'm going to send stuff out to magazines and journals like crazy. I have a year before the real world hits me hard and graduate school is looking less and less like a possibility so I need to build up that resume.
Needless to say, I have a busy summer ahead of me. Not to mention I'm going to St. Louis in a couple of weeks to see my baby brother graduate high school. Seems like yesterday it was me walking across that stage.
If anything, this year proved to me that you gotta fight for what you want. Don't sit around waiting for things to happen, go make them happen. Life is gonna push you around and you're nothing unless you push back. I lost a lot of friends this year, a few I considered some of my best, and I finally had to learn to do things on my own and rely on myself. I'm sad for the losses and wish them the happiest of lives just like I am going to pursue the happiest of lives for myself. This year proved who my TRUE friends are and it also proved that even people who you think are true can turn on you in a split second. I was forced to finally trust myself and do best for me. And everything that happened over this year has just contributed to the person I need to be.
All in all, I'm a better person because of it and I'm grateful for that. So, thank you to those people who were there when I needed them and stuck around no matter what. It meant a lot and I am forever grateful. Love you all.
Here's to the start of a wonderful summer! :)
p.s I may be changing to wordpress but not sure yet. So I'll keep you posted on any changes when they happen!