Wednesday, December 22, 2010

'Tis the Season for Change

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." ~Maria Robinson

As the new year approaches I find myself paying more attention to my behaviors and reading entries from early this year. It amazes me how much has changed around me yet I'm still the same. Or at least I think I am.

In fact, I start to realize so many things I just dislike about myself. Maybe I'm too hard on myself, but there's just so many aspects in my life that I feel I can improve on. There are a lot of times I feel out of control (Yet, being a control freak is not a good thing so maybe I should let this go) and other times when I feel like my heart is in something but my head isn't meeting it half way. Then I get to thinking more and I see how much I take for granted sometimes.

Maybe everyone feels this way around this time of year because having a "new" year pproaching makes you think of all the things you can change. Like, I complain A LOT. I don't mean to do it, I just do. And I definitely take what I have for granted because I'm never happy with what I have. I always want something else. A lot of my friends can testify to this because it annoys the hell out of them.

I see what I want for myself and my future but I don't feel as if I'm on the right path there. And that needs to change. I'm proud of myself and my life... sometimes. That "sometimes" needs to become an "all the time." I need to start living life for me and appreciating the things I have instead of complaining. This day last year my mind was in a total different place. A week from this day I was a mess and saw some of the darkest days I've seen in my life. I'm not sure if I believe in God or anything for tha matter. That's an internal struggle I've always had with myself, but something decided the path I was on last year wasn't right and it turned my life upside down. I still feel a little turned around once in awhile and I feel as if this is my year to put things back into place.

When I look at the big picture I see that in 2 and a half years I will be out of school and the real world will be right there staring me in the face. How am I going to face up?

It's these years before then that are going to determine that and I don't want to waste them.

I want to improve my relationships with the people that mean the world to me and improve the relationship I have with myself. I want to make 2011 COUNT for something. And those are my intentions.

No more hoping or saying, I want to actually DO something. I've been lazy and let my life fall back into a new pattern, now it's time to LIVE that pattern. You have to greet change with more change and that's my motto of 2011.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Next Chapter

"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words onto them ourselves. The book is called "Opportunity" and the first chapter is New Years' Day."~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

With the year 2011 fast approaching, we begin to start hearing things like, "this year is a new beginning" or "this will be my year to start over" But how about just simply using New Years' day not as a place to start from scratch but as a place where you put all that you learned from the previous year to better use beginning that day?

Life grants us new years, not new lives. As 2010 comes to an end, I ponder what it meant to me.

To me, it was my transitioning year. A year of moving on and finding where it was safe to put my feet again; a year of new people that I grew close to and old people that became more important to me.

I could make a list of resolutions but why bother? My resolutions are the same goals I've always had for myself... "to be happy."

This time last year I was a completely different person, which isn't surprising but it's weird to look at where you were just last December compared to where you are now. Was this a successful year for me?

Well, I didn't get in shape and fit into the size pants I want but I conquered a lot more.

I started working out, I went from army girlfriend to Michael's girlfriend, I got my own apartment, I got good grades, I made new friends and got closer to old ones.

To me, that's a successful year.

In reference to the quote I used, I love it but it doesn't fit perfectly... New Years' Day won't be my first chapter in my book of opportunity. It will be my next chapter.

Hope you guys like the new look of the blog!
I won't have internet over break so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :)