Just Me

It's not a new story to anyone. We all struggle with who were are, who we were, and who we want to be. And sometimes we know who were are but we struggle with loving that person so we fight against it and try to be versions of ourselves that just don't work.

Sometimes, it's a matter of looking in the mirror and accepting yourself in whole whether it be your big hips, an inability to sing, or the fact that you still love the Backstreet Boys. If that's what you like, don't stray from it. Embrace those hips, sing if you want, and blast BSB. Don't hide what makes you the person you are.

It's all simple enough to say, but I just like anyone have really struggled with accepting and loving the person I am and was meant to be. I struggle with my body and my personality. I always think of what others are thinking of me even if I don't care about that person. It's hard to learn to let go and be yourself fearlessly. Hell, it's hard to be fearless. But sometime, we gotta wake up and think, hey life is too short. Why am I sitting here wasting it trying to be a version of myself that I'm not?

Truth: I'm never going to be thin, BUT I can be healthy. Truth: I don't have a true bitchy bone in my body. I'm a nice girl and I always am going to be that no matter who screws me over, leaves me out, or completely blows me off.

I'm "nice." I care how people are doing even when they couldn't give a single care about whether i'm even still alive. I send messages to former best friends congratulating them on getting married even after they kick me out of their wedding because I'm not living a way the deem acceptable. I shrug off things even when someone has hurt me because they left me out. I ALWAYS include people no matter what. That's who I am. And for awhile I've tried to fight being that nice girl becuase I've watched people who do shitty things get what they want in life. I've watched some pretty mean and not so great people get what they want. Truth is, no one gets what they deserve in life. I didn't deserve the father I had. My friend doesn't deserve her husband to deploy. but IT HAPPENS.  and people who are just plain rude get to walk around with perfect lives and be asses to those of us who actually care what kind of people we are.

"Be Kind."

That is the motto I live by and I'm going to stick to it. I'm going to go out of my way for people who don't return the favor and I'm going to be there for people who aren't always there for me. Why? Because the world needs more people to be kind. Not spiteful, negative, and bitter.

I believe in putting into the world what you want and that's how I will live. I will be positive when no one else is and cast all the negativity from my life. I will respect myself foremost and not allow others to treat me any way than how I've treated them. Life is about finding your balance like that between being nice to everyone and knowing when to stand your ground. And it'll take me some dissapointments, heart ache, and some dashed expectations but I'll find my ground and when I do I'll stand there firmly and proudly.