To Go or Not To Go?

"We wander for distraction, but we travel for fullfillment." ~Hilaire Belloc

I have an issue that has been on my mind off and on for months, yet it's my prominent thought for the last few hours. So, here I sit on a porch swing behind my dorm, surrounded by the peacefulness of crickets and air. Maybe being out here and writing it all out will clear my mind?

Last year, I made the decision with myself to take the opportunity my University offers and study abroad in London which also provides school trips to other places. My financial aid carries over so all I have to pay for is travel expenses. I decided this, however, when I was single and I had no idea I would fall in love with my boyfriend, Michael.

Going to Harlaxton would mean five months in another country away form all of my family and most of my friends, and Michael. I miss Michael after not seeing him for a week, how would I get through five months?

He's making plans to move to Evansville in October to end the distance. And then next spring, I'm going to run off to Europe? How is that fair to have him drop everything and move away from everyone [friends and family] to start a life here with me that has no distance just for me to run off for five months and leve him here in a place he doesn't know anyone? I mean, does that seem unfair to anyone else because it does to me? I even feel a bit selfish.

He doesn't feel this way though. It's all my own feelings. He's pushing me to go and telling me he's not going to let me back out. But what if I want to?

There's another option of doing a five week summer program there but I don't think financial aid covers it plus it will cut down on the number of places I can travel.

I've always wanted to travel. I've always wanted to see all these amazing places like London, Irealnd, Italy, Wales, Scotland, etc. But is all that really worth putting that weight on my relationship and being unfair to Michael? Is it worth the chance of losing one of the best people in my life?

Maybe I'm being a little paranoid. Not sure. It's just been on my mind.

How is this possible?

Wow. I don't know how this is possible? You're not supposed to be this in love after a week. What am I, crazy?
I've never been this happy. He's absolutely amazing.
People are gonna say that's so stupid. You can't fall in love in a week. You're using this as a rebound, just knock it off.
Don't think this thought hasn't occured to me. And trust me, I've thought a lot.
This is definitely NOT a rebound. This is something real. I don't feel blinded. Nor do I feel as if he occupies every aspect of my being. That's how I know this isn't a rebound. This is just what it is.
He makes me smile more than anyone. He brings out the best in me and that's something I've never found in a boy. When he speaks, you can just feel the love in his voice. We get along perfectly. Sure, we have room for disagreements, but it never goes that far.
For once, I finally see the connection of "my boyfriend is my best friend." I've never had that before. I've always been put on the outside trying to look in. With Michael, he seems to fit me in without a problem because he WANTS me there.
I've always wanted someone to fit into my life without forcing him. I have yet needed to try. It amazes me, but I just don't need to try.
I've never felt able to completely be myself and he just brings it out. That's gotta be something real.
Deep down, I think I've always known there was something here and everyday it gets deeper. I've never met a guy who treated me this well without being told. I've never once had to show him or tell him how I want to be loved. He just does it.
For once, I don't have to make a single sacrifice because he finds me worth it all. He's moving here soon to close the distance. For once, someone finds me worth not leaving. He sees me as worth being with everyday.
So to those who say there's no way I can be in love and feel as if he just might be what I've been looking for all along, you're wrong.
When you find that person, you just know. And there isn't a doubt in the world.
I know I've said this in the past, but little did everyone know that I doubted him everyday.
With Michael, I'm completely free.