"We wander for distraction, but we travel for fullfillment." ~Hilaire Belloc
I have an issue that has been on my mind off and on for months, yet it's my prominent thought for the last few hours. So, here I sit on a porch swing behind my dorm, surrounded by the peacefulness of crickets and air. Maybe being out here and writing it all out will clear my mind?
Last year, I made the decision with myself to take the opportunity my University offers and study abroad in London which also provides school trips to other places. My financial aid carries over so all I have to pay for is travel expenses. I decided this, however, when I was single and I had no idea I would fall in love with my boyfriend, Michael.
Going to Harlaxton would mean five months in another country away form all of my family and most of my friends, and Michael. I miss Michael after not seeing him for a week, how would I get through five months?
He's making plans to move to Evansville in October to end the distance. And then next spring, I'm going to run off to Europe? How is that fair to have him drop everything and move away from everyone [friends and family] to start a life here with me that has no distance just for me to run off for five months and leve him here in a place he doesn't know anyone? I mean, does that seem unfair to anyone else because it does to me? I even feel a bit selfish.
He doesn't feel this way though. It's all my own feelings. He's pushing me to go and telling me he's not going to let me back out. But what if I want to?
There's another option of doing a five week summer program there but I don't think financial aid covers it plus it will cut down on the number of places I can travel.
I've always wanted to travel. I've always wanted to see all these amazing places like London, Irealnd, Italy, Wales, Scotland, etc. But is all that really worth putting that weight on my relationship and being unfair to Michael? Is it worth the chance of losing one of the best people in my life?
Maybe I'm being a little paranoid. Not sure. It's just been on my mind.
Mel, no beef on Michael and all, but I would have to smack you for not going! You only have one life to live and although you guys are going strong, it's not set in stone! Focus on yourself and fulfill your dreams! If you guys can survive that sort of distance, then wonderful! ...But just think of it this way, remember how we used to talk all of the time when I lived with you know who and how tired I got of him after a matter of months? It happens to a lot of ppl...not saying that it will in this case, but you get my point.Remember how much I gave up to make him happy? I gave up school, friends, and my dreams to be with him, willingly! Not by force or manipulation... What I am trying to get at, is that it would kill me, and I'm sure so many others, if you gave up this once in a lifetime opportunity for a guy,...and things don't work out. As one of your besties, and having experienced that, it would truly tear me up Mel bc you are such a great person and destined for great things! Love him, but worry about yourself Mel! Remember how you were saying you were strong and tired of living up to everyones expectations? This is your time to shine! I'm sure that if he loves you like he says, he will truly understand and the time away will only strengthen you guys...but if not? Guess what? No regrets bc you are in London! Traveling and attending school! I hope this helped in some way on whatever decision you make, and regardless of your decision, you know I've got your back! Love u Mel bell, and best wishes! <3
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