Honey Bee

In my Creative Non-Fiction class, we had a small assignment that included us writing about ourselves in third person (try it, it's harder than you think). Once I started writing, it got me thinking about my name.
As I've expressed before, I'm not entirely religious. I claim myself as Agnostic but even that isn't quite fitting. At this point in my life, I'm not religious but I'm against being so. I've been exploring that aspect of my life. Although I'm not quite sure whether I believe in a God as defined by the Bible, I still believe a life is not complete without some aspect of spirituality. So although I don't exactly believe in a "big man upstairs," I do however believe in a higher power of some sort whether that be a God, fate, or even just chance (Like I said, I'm still exploring). Anyway, I don't know what out there causes things to happen, but I believe it all happens for some reason.
I say all this because my CNF assignment got me wondering whether I'm named the way I am because my parents liked the name, or if there was some unconcious reason, my mom was drawn to the name "Melissa."
For those of you who don't know, my full name is Melissa Dawn Nelson. My mom told me she chose this name because it was either Melissa or Michelle and she went with Melissa because it felt right. My middle name is because I was born at the crack of dawn on a sunday morning. Fairly simple reasoning, huh?
"Melissa" is of Greek origin and it translates to "honey bee." According to Greek mythology there was a nymph named Melissa who discovered how to use honey. She was one of the nurses who also took care of baby Zeus, who later in his adult years, transformed her into a beautiful bee. Other myths credit the nymph Melissa as introducing modesty into mankind. Melissa is also the name of the moon goddess who took suffering away from women giving birth (pretty cool huh?).
As interesting as that history is, I used to hate my name.  It's just so common and there's nothing special about it. But the more I studied my name's origin, and related it to the woman I have grown into, the more I was able to find some reassurance and comfort in it.
I have a fear of bees. I downright hate them and I am definitely the girl who runs if a bee flies even a foot nearby. Now I'm gonna go all Writing major on you (just a warning). If you interpret that, it's kinda interesting. My name means honey bee, yet I run from bees. It's almost a metaphor for I've been kinda running away from myself. And when I look at the way the past few years of my life, I find some sense in that interpretation. It's a little freaky how closely it ties into my life.
Then there's my middle name, Dawn. Sunrises are the epitamy of beautiful. But somedays, the sun can easily be concealed by the clouds, hidden behind those dark masses. Kinda depressing. But the same as me. I am shy and I really have a hard time letting my colors show. Somedays I allow myself to be completely shielded by the clouds. I mask myself behind classmates, family, friends and slip into the spaces trying to be unseen. But when I stop peaking out from horizons and allow myself to be fully immensed in my life and who I am, I realize how full of color I am and how bright I really can shine among my peers. This all sounds so cliche and that may make this uncomprehensible but to me, it makes perfect sense.
There is no scientific reason why bees can fly. Their bodies are too heavy for their wings so they shouln't be able to take flight, but they do. And somedays that's how I feel. Like I'm not meant to fly, or in less cliche sounding terms, succeed. But like the bee, I can. And that offers some comfort to this crazy thing I call my life.
I am a 21 year old woman majoring in writing in a little city in southern Indiana. To the world, I'm a nobody. Just a sun forever shrouded in the clouds. But to my mom, or my brother, or my friends, and one day to my future husband and kids, I'm full of color and a sunshine that shouldn't be forced behind dark clouds, or a bad mood. I am full of so much warmth and love and do everything whole heartedly like the nymph who nursed baby Zeus. I may be quiet to a lot of people but when I burst out from that horizon, I'm a whole world of color and possibility and dare I say, beauty. And like the honey bee, I will learn to fly even when everything says I can't or I shouldn't be able to.
Going back to my religious beliefs, or in my case, spiritual, I mentioned I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. I was given my name for a reason. My mom said I could have been named Michelle. Michelle, the female version of Michael, translates to "Who is like God." Oddly, my dad's name is Michael, my dad who has lost his way on many accounts. Who I am nothing like. Kinda funny why my mom picked Melissa instead of Michelle at last minute huh?
To alot of people this whole entry will seem really dumb and contrived. But I know there are some who will understand my unorganzized, oddly formed ideals. And just for fun, you should look up the history of your own name. and see if its story fits like mine.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Just for fun because I like this song :)
http://youtu.be/IhkPcplBvO8