100th Post!

Wow, it's been awhile. Time for some catching up!
Life has been a roller coaster since my last entry; LOTS of ups and downs.
First, I've had to move into a new place because of some "unforeseen circumstances" that happened with the apartment I was living in. Basically, stupidity, laziness, and just misjudgement forced me into finding a new place to live. So, now I'm all moved into a new place and life has calmed down a bit. It's an apartment that was attached to the back of my boss's house that she was renting out. It's not perfect but for the most part I like it (A lot better than a cardboard box on the street I would say).
I've talked about the issues I was having with paying my school bills. Well, a few days ago I finally had to suck up some courage and talk to student accounts about my situation and was pleasently surprised. They were very understanding about it and basically just had me sign for another loan (which is gonna bite me in the butt 2 years from now), but it cleared most of what I owed and put me back in good standing. I cannot stress how much of a weight lifted this was!!! I feel like I can focus on finishing off my junior year now and maybe enjoy these last two months.
Speaking of finishing junior year, I met with my advisor yesterday about senior year classes (EEK!!!) and after my fall semester of senior year I will be DONE with my major. I am BEYOND excited. I keep thinking about walking across that stage and being handed a DEGREE. To many, it's just another momentous occasion. But for me, graduating college is THE momentous occasion. It's all I ever dreamed about in high school. My mom encouraged me so much because she wanted to see me do things that she didn't and it's so fullfilling to know that in a year, my mom will watch me complete something she has wanted more than anything for me. I'll be the first in my family to have a college degree and the accomplishment is one that I hold dear to my heart. It makes me think back to when I chose college and as much as I did it for me, I know it did it for my mom just as much.
Obviously, I'm very excited about senior year. Junior year has put me through some hellish things, mostly as aftermath of my crappy decisions last year. And I want lie, it has been ROUGH. I've considered dropping out and moving back home some many times. But honestly, I took my situation for granted.
In the past two months, a young firefighter (about my age) lost his life on duty. Also, tornadoes ripped through Indiana (It was pretty scary especially as towns were being demolished around me). There was one incident in particular that really struck me. There was a story about a family in Salem, IN that really hit me. The mother was 20 and the father was 21. They had 3 beautiful children all under the ages of 4. When one of the tornadoes ripped through their town, it took the lives of this young couple and two of their children. Their youngest child, a 14 month baby girl named Angel, was found in a cornfield 10 miles from her home in critical condition. Of course she was rushed to the hospital, and two days later, she died as well.
The story of the firefighter and this family really hit me. These people were YOUNG; my age. Yet, one was risking his life for others and the couple was raising a family. And they lost their lives. And 3 children didn't even get a real chance to even live their lives. And here I was complaining about some stupid incidents that were complicating my life when it could have been so much worse. And after I heard about that baby girl dying, I just lost it and balled my eyes out. It really opened my eyes to how much I take for granted and it definitely put things into perspective.
In the midst of what was happening with my apartment, one of BEST friends who I've known since my sophomore year of high high school told me (basically, but this paraphrased) that my life was too much of a mess and she was done being a part of it. She kicked me out of her wedding as her bridesmaid and we haven't spoken since. And honestly, I was crushed. I try not to be a needy person but recently I have needed my friends now more than ever and she just turns her back on me? I was bitter and angry for a week and then that story about that family popped up in the news and I felt stupid for even caring.
Point is, there is no reason to focus on the little things. If someone wants to chose to walk away, then let them. If someone wants to be fake, let them. Why dwell on it? Yes, I'm sad that I lost one of my best friends but I'm not going to sit here and pity myself because SHE made the choice to walk away. Just like I'm not going to sit and dwell on all the other people I expected to be there when I was in need and who weren't. I learned a hard lesson about true friends and I know who mine are now more than ever. And honestly, I learned the hard way to just let things be. I try to be a good friend to everyone in my life. Yes, I fall short sometimes but I NEVER just walk away from someone. And I don't deserve ANYONE in my life who is going to do that to me. I can accept mistakes and shortcomings. But I will not accept someone who makes the choice to not be around or someone who doesn't even try. End of story.
In other news, things have seemed to start to fall into place.  Kenzie and I are getting an apartment together for our senior year and I am SUPER excited! Also,  I have lost 13 pounds so far (EEEEKKK!!!). So, I am beginning to see the bright end of the tunnel.
Life is mysterious and everything that has happened to me has happened for a reason. There is a reason why certain things happen and why certain people stick around and why others don't. And life is too short to sit and dwell on it all. Just accept it, bounce, and move on. And LIVE. That is a philosophy that I have needed to be kicked in the ass with.

100 posts ago, I said, "I've been through a lot in my life. Some of it amounted to nothing, but in the end I see it's amounted to the person I am now so that must be worth it... In the end, I'm me. I'm here and I'm strong and I regret nothing. Nothing at all."
And although a lot has happened over these 100 posts, this thought still rings true. And it always will.
Thanks for reading!