**My good friend Ashley has done these on her blog before and I have considered doing it in the past but haven't. So, after checking out this blog (which is great, by the way) and out of my restlessness for a little change, I've decided to start Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays. We'll see how long I keep up with it.**
Looking at my old blog entries, it is no mystery that I haven't had luck with guys or love or just dating in general. Any one of my closest friends will tell you, I SUCK at picking guys.
It's like the genes or brain triggers that control attraction are all out of whack in my body because I seriously am attracted to alll the wrong guys. In my case, it truly is easier to be single.
As a psychhology major turned minor, I have considered that the history I have with my dad and my how my parents' highly dysfunctual relationship may have had on me. And there is some answers in this history. So, does that mean, I'm not biologically programmed to find my prince charming? Will I NEVER pick the right guy?
Yes, those questions are a bit extreme for a 21 year old college student who hasn't truly begun living yet, but it's hard NOT to ponder.
I haven't been reduced to crying in a corner living off of Ben & Jerry's declaring "I will NEVER EVER EVER find love" (now, that would be extreme). I know that I am a good person with a big heart but as a lot of people tell me, I sell myself short. I guess it's hard to find a guy who will love you unconditionally when I don't really love myself to that extent.
As cliche as it sounds, it's a bit dumb of me to even expect any one, let alone guys to treat me the way I want to be, when I don't give myself that same treatment. I'm not a confident person nor do I really have the best of self-esteem. I can recognize that I am a good, genuine person but when it comes to pointing out the things that make me extraordinary or special, I draw a blank.
I don't always speak up for myself. And I have a tendency of letting others walk all over me and take me for granted. Maybe that's put a stamp on my forehead that only jerks can see. It would make sense. If I am jerk to myself, then i'm only going to fall for the jerks.
It's a long road to self-confidence but one day I'm going to realize what's so special about me and I'm going to fall in love with it.
Maybe this only makes sense in my head, but in order to allow myself to fall for the right guy, I've gotta let myself be the right girl. I've got to fall for Melissa. It's like my own personal struggle and I'm making myself the "nice guy who finishes last." But like in the movies, the nice guy gets the girl in the end so with a little re-writing and some new casting, maybe I'll stop letting myself come in last.
Melissa <3
So true! I think Im the same way with picking guys, but reading this made me realize I also probably don't attract the best buys because I myself don't value my own self enough! Well, you aren't alone!
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