"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." ~Maria Robinson
As the new year approaches I find myself paying more attention to my behaviors and reading entries from early this year. It amazes me how much has changed around me yet I'm still the same. Or at least I think I am.
In fact, I start to realize so many things I just dislike about myself. Maybe I'm too hard on myself, but there's just so many aspects in my life that I feel I can improve on. There are a lot of times I feel out of control (Yet, being a control freak is not a good thing so maybe I should let this go) and other times when I feel like my heart is in something but my head isn't meeting it half way. Then I get to thinking more and I see how much I take for granted sometimes.
Maybe everyone feels this way around this time of year because having a "new" year pproaching makes you think of all the things you can change. Like, I complain A LOT. I don't mean to do it, I just do. And I definitely take what I have for granted because I'm never happy with what I have. I always want something else. A lot of my friends can testify to this because it annoys the hell out of them.
I see what I want for myself and my future but I don't feel as if I'm on the right path there. And that needs to change. I'm proud of myself and my life... sometimes. That "sometimes" needs to become an "all the time." I need to start living life for me and appreciating the things I have instead of complaining. This day last year my mind was in a total different place. A week from this day I was a mess and saw some of the darkest days I've seen in my life. I'm not sure if I believe in God or anything for tha matter. That's an internal struggle I've always had with myself, but something decided the path I was on last year wasn't right and it turned my life upside down. I still feel a little turned around once in awhile and I feel as if this is my year to put things back into place.
When I look at the big picture I see that in 2 and a half years I will be out of school and the real world will be right there staring me in the face. How am I going to face up?
It's these years before then that are going to determine that and I don't want to waste them.
I want to improve my relationships with the people that mean the world to me and improve the relationship I have with myself. I want to make 2011 COUNT for something. And those are my intentions.
No more hoping or saying, I want to actually DO something. I've been lazy and let my life fall back into a new pattern, now it's time to LIVE that pattern. You have to greet change with more change and that's my motto of 2011.
Everyone has moments of doubt, even the happiest of people- but you are right, you need to learn to be happy with what you have--- as do i [and mostly everyone else in the world.] It is human nature to always want more. You are taking a further step than most by recognizing that there are things about yourself you can change, the big part is actually following through with it- definitely something I always find myself having trouble with. You can and will do this because you have lots of friends that love you lots, me being one of them.
ReplyDeleteVery very true my dear =]
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