My Only Exception

Some lyrics from Paramore's "The Only Exception":
"Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts. And we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face. And I've always lived like this keeping it confortable, distance, and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk, but you are the only exception. You are the only exception..."
New relationships are weird. I've had to get used to this whole new thing. It's really different. What's even weirder is I'm falling in love. I think I already have.
Michael is great. We've been friends for years and we kinda dated for a few weeks when me and my ex broke up but as soon as my ex came back I broke things off with him and we just stayed friends. I never really gave him a REAL chance and I did a shitty thing to him. But now here we are and he's the greatest boyfriend I could ask for. He has been there for me through everything even when I was in love with someone else.
When everything with Steven happened I didn't think I could love someone like that again and slowly but surely I am proving myself wrong. I think about him all the time and I get the cute little butterflies. It's awful but great at the same time.
I'm still adjusting. There were things I'd do that Steven used to bitch at me for and yell at me and Michael doesn't. He loves everything about me. I'm still cautious though. I can act as goofy as I want, I can sing on the phone, I can make corny jokes, I can break down and cry about something completely stupid and he loves me just the same. I think being friends for so long helps.I feel completely comfortable with him and he thinks about things that I never have, things that concern me.
He's the first guy to ask me if I've done my homework and if I haven't he'll say "Baby, school before me. I love you. Call me when your done."
The things that are important to me are also important to him. He encourages me to write and sing. He's polite and friendly to my friends. And he's proud of me no matter what.
It's amazing how the whole time my perfect guy for me was right there and I was too blinded to see him. I'm glad I see him now and I truly look forward to a future a with him. He's made mistakes like anyone else but to me he's absolutley perfect and I love him. It's about time I got a good man.

Here's to New Beginnings

So, after TONS of thinking, TONS of tears, and TONS of realizations, I have finally found someone who I see is worth opening up to. I kept sitting here being all afraid but the minute I called him my boyfriend, it just all melted away. I have high hopes for this and I know better and I'm a lot wiser. I feel as if I have a sharper mind.
He knows I'm not going to take any shit and he treats me fantastic.I don't think I've ever been treated this way. The best thing is I don't have to ask. He just knows and he does it. I really think I've found someone amazing. Although I already knew he was amazing since I've been friends with him for over two years.
I really feel like this is gonna be something great so here's to mended hearts and learning to open up again after being hurt.
Here's to new beginnings.

Up to MY Standards:Moving On

Okay, so I've made a decision for myself. (Yay me!)
I'm not "looking" for anyone to date. NO ONE. Yup that's right.
See, the whole boyfriend thing is great and I want that but right now I feel like I don't need that. I need to be single to get to know this fantastic girl named Melissa again ;)
And actually, I'm pretty content being single right now. It's nice to just have me, myself, and I to worry about. Plus I get to dedicate more of my time to my friends and family who always appreciate that.
So my motto now is "Whatever happens happens"
I'm not going to look for anything. I want it to find me because the things that find you are soo much better. When you force it to happen, it loses its sincerity. Sincerity is good. We like sincerity.
Plus there's a lot of things I've wanted to do that I always pushed back or something else took more precedent.
I want to get a gpa above a 3.3. Last semester I got a 2.7 which isn't bad but it's not high enough to keep the scholarship that has me here nor is it representative of what I'm actually capable of.
I want to keep the poisonous people out of my life. But since Steven, I think I've got that covered. I'm definitely a better judge of character now. I swear, him walking away was the best thing that ever happened to me. So I'll rephrase my sentence, I want to keep any form of poison out of my life.
I want to get my driver's license FINALLY! Oh my god I have a deep desire for it. Getting that piece of plastic will make my entire life. I'm going home for spring break and I'm going to MAKE my sad excuse of father teach me to drive and take me for that test. I'm not leaving with out it.
I want to finally lose all the weight I've wanted to lose for years. I'm not as heavy as I used to be and I don't see myself as fat but I don't see myself as up to my own standards. So yes, I'm going to develop an actual plan and I'm going to fight this. I wanna be able to feel good in all those cute summer clothes and feel confident enough to buy a *gasp* bikini.
Those are the main goals I'm tackling now. I have more but those can wait until I get these under my belt.
I feel very empowered. Like seriously. I like that I'm starting to live life by MY standards. So, THIS is what it feels like to let go and move one. Man, I could get used to this. =)

There's A First Time For Everything

My first blog, hmmm where do I even begin?
Well, how about the reason I started this. First off, I love to write and although I've always posted blogs on Myspace and "notes" on Facebook, I needed something more...professional(?). I've always used writing as a release. And lately, I feel like I've lost touch with this passion I had for it. College homework can do that, I guess. I want to revive my passion and so much has been going on in my life it's unbelieveable.
I feel like I'm reinventing myself. For 19 years I was under strict control of my abusive, alcoholic father. Then for two years, I was an army fiance. I guess you can say I haven't had much luck with men.
Anyway, now its just plain ol' me. No one is holding me back anymore so what do I do now?
I can be whoever I want.
I've been through a lot in my life. Some of it amounted to nothing, but in the end I see it's all amounted to the person I am now so that must be worth it.
I've been hit and called names by my father, watched him do it to my mom, learned what a true friend is; I've fallen in love and had to force myself to fall out of it; I've been through a deployment and ended up no where; I've had to watch the person I loved most walk right out of my life without looking back; I've had to hear stories of this person I gave everything to and yet here I stand without him as he gets married and starts a family after only a month; I've been cheated on and lied to and I've made plans only to have to start from scratch; and I've lost faith in a lot.
I could go on and on. In the end I'm me. I'm here and I'm strong and I regret nothing.
Nothing at all.