Random Rant, Gotta Love 'Em

I don't know what it is but I have been so restless lately. My dad is calling it Junioritis.
I am just ready to graduate college and walk across that stage and have that degree in hand. I'm tired of the weight of "Am I gonna be able to pay for this?" or "Will I make it to graduation without dropping out because my finances are so bad?"
From the beginning I came to UE because it had a fairly good writing program and it was half way between St. Louis and Portland, IN. Plus I just wanted to be in Indiana. But the deciding factor of why I came to UE is because it was closer to my then fiancee at the time. And since all that ended, I've tried to love this city but I just can't. I'm ready to move on from here. Frankly because there are a lot of bad memories that surround this place. I mean, I moved here with the intention of being married and seeing my ex more often. Then, the story unraveled and that was shattered. Evansville was an alright temporary home but I'm ready to leave it. I gained great friends from being here and I'll be grateful for that. But other than that, I kinda hate it here.
And whether I take time off or go straight into Graduate school, wherever I end up 2 years from now will not be here, in Evansville, IN.

Baby Steps and Alternative Choices

So, I'm writing this blog in between classes/ eating lunch so I apologize if it seems rushed (because it is). I just wanted to do a tinsy little update on things:
I haven't quite JUMPED on my resolutions, BUT don't start tsking me because I'm doing it semi on purpose. If I seriously want to commit and make these changes, I didn't want to start cold turkey especially with the whole weight loss thing since I have tried (and failed) so many times.
I've taken a new approach. Instead of just throwing myself in there I'm taking baby steps-- little alternative choices to replace bad choices.
I haven't been religiously calorie counting or working out, YET. I started by looking more closely at food labels and kind of mentally keeping track of how much I was really eating. Also, I've been walking more to get myself moving. To satisfy my whole sodium thing, I have given up ramen noodles which is a bit painful on my budget but my health is more important at this point. I was eating ramen every day and that sodium is really bad for my body. So instead, I've opted for brown rice and veggies. Also, I've mostly been drinking water, water, green tea, and some more water but that wasn't the hard part since I was already doing that.
Today, however, I am starting back at the gym and using the app to calorie count. I'm anxious to get started so I figure I've given myself enough of a lead in. My goal (ish) is to lose 30 pounds by June 1st because that's my brother's graduation and I'd like to look semi-better. That's about it in the health department.
My sleeping habits haven't really improved that much since I've been sick. And it's so hard to get myself to sleep 7-9 hours a night so I have no clue why I made that a resolution. That will definitely be one of my "well I meant well" goals because I doubt I am going to be so serious about it.
My finances are kind of the same as my health- baby steps. I've started writing in my check register again to keep track of all my spending. I also watch my account closer ( I had stopped checking my balances because I hated seeing how little money I really had). Also, I've started job searching again. I gave up on this back in November after getting no call backs or being hired at the places I did get interviewed. Finding a job is a sucky process because I'm broke and need the money yet I'm having to patiently fill out applications and wait around to be called for interviews. It's exhausting and frustrating. BUT I'm doing it. On other notes:

•  I have not started writing an hour a day but I'm working my way up to it.
• I'm doing all right in the friend department as far as I know. I recently took some time out to voluntarily design my friend's save-the-date cards and invitations for her upcoming wedding.
• The driver's license thing won't happen until June when I make my trip to St. Louis for James' graduation
• As tempting as it has been (because I like to creep), I have not unblock the toxic people nor do I plan on it.
• Annnd I'm slowly thinking on post-graduation plans (you'll probably hear a lot more about this later on)

Looking at the big picture, I feel successful. I'm listening to myself and taking what I want into consideration which are things I don't really do.

Lastly, classes have been going great. This semester I am taking:

• British Literature
• Biology (my last gen ed, thank god!)
• Creative Non-Fiction
• Contemporary Novel (my favorite by far)
• Abnormal Psyc (which I was excited to have been taking a break from psyc but after the education class I was planning to take was cancelled I opted for psyc, I really like this class so far though so it was a good choice.)

Anyway, that's all for now. I'll try to keep updating at least once a week and doing more fun things. I used to want to make this blog more of a serious thing but I've decided it's better as a hobby. So, I'll update when I have things to say.

<3Melissa

If a Man Wants You

If a Man Wants You - DivineCaroline
I relate to this more than I care to admit lol. Definitely some good things to keep in mind

Resolutions & my New Year :)

I'm a little late on this, but HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope everyone had a wonderful start to their year. I ended up bringing in the new year alone (yes, no partying for me) so I spent it watching Dick Clark's special and writing in my journal to reflect on 2011. Bringing in the year with just myself, as depressing as that sounds, was really kinda fitting. In 2012, I need to learn how to trust myself and be independent again. So, I brought my year in right if you look at it that way.
Anywho, as promised, here are my resolutions for the new year. They are kinda specific and I'm not going to put so much pressure on myself. If I do them, then great. If not, then it's not the end of the world. Most of the goals revolve around school and weight loss, but a lot just centers around being happy and being a good person. So here we go:

• Do not get any grades below a B-
• Decide on my post-graduation plans
• Get my stupid driver's license
• Work out 30-60 minutes 4-5 times a week
• Stop late night snacking
• Figure out new living arrabgements for senior year
• Have better financial standing
• Get involved in something Writing-related to add to my resume
• become independent on MYSELF again
• Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep a night
• Do more things for people small or big whether they be friend, family, or stranger
• Keep certain people who cause drama in my life blocked on all social sites so they can not contact me in any way
• Learn something new (hopefully knitting)
• Limit soda and other sugary drinks
• Take at least 1 hour per day to write simply for pleasure (not school-related)
• Aim to be more social
• Use a calorie counting app to track my calorie intake daily
• Watch my sodium intake
• Live well, Laugh often, & Love much :)

So, there you go, my resolutions. I think it's a pretty great list. I'm proud of it at least. 2011, as crappy as I call it out to be, really just showed me what steps I need to take if i'm going to be happy & healthy. So really, whether I complete all these resoultions or none, my main goal is to just take every day in stride and not sweat the little things. I deserve to be happy no matter what and that's the plan.

Also, just a tiny announcement: Congratulations to one of my best and closest friends Ashley on the birth of her beautiful baby boy on January 9th. I'm so happy for her as well as her hubby and their daughter Caylee. Time to save up for trip to Georgia now ;)

<3 Melissa