With senior year on it's verge of unfolding and graduation less than a year away, you can bet I've been using a lot of free time this summer to narrow down what options I have after graduation. And there are definitely a lot.
At this point, I'm most leaning towards going to grad school to get my master's in library and information science. The catch is, if I want to stay in Indiana, the only school I can attend is IU in Bloomington. Which isn't bad. But then again, I don't want to go to a new city with my no car situation. So taking a year off to work is still very much a possibility. After this chapter in my life ends, I'm left wondering, what's next?
And then I think, well what will make me happy?
I came to Evansville away from all my family, to be closer to a boy. This time, I'm going to make the right decision, and choose to be closer to my family. But my family is so spaced between Missouri and Indiana that it's a difficult question. I love Indiana. It has felt like home since the summers of my childhood. But I also love Missouri. It's where I was raised and my roots are very much grounded there. The only thing that would make me consider going back to Missouri is my family. My parents and brother live there but they've been talking about moving up towards my Grandma in Indiana for years. My grandpa though, is still is in St. Louis and has limited time left (which is a scary thought). And of course there's my sister, brother-in-law, and the kiddos. I want to have a close relationship with them and I don't want to be a faraway aunt. But if I choose Indiana, that's what I'll be. I already hate seeing them maybe once a year already. That's not enough time to be the sister and Aunt that I want to be. Plus, in that distance future when I have kids, I want my sister and BIL to be there and I want Maci and Logan to be close to their cousins.
But in Indiana, I have my grandma, cousins, aunt and uncle and my happy place. I want to be close to that. I want to be surrounded in the place that was the answer to the question "What's your favorite place?" or "Where's your happiest place?" That is where I feel like I belong and where I would want to settle down but then again it keeps me far away from my sister's clan.
I wish I could be close to all of them. I love my family more than they probably know and I want them to be a part of my life. I want to be able to go out for drinks with my sister after work, take my niece and nephew out for ice cream, have sleepovers with my cousins, help my grandma when she's in her usual fuss about a clean house... all of that. but I have to choose between one place or another and it's hard to do because I have such amazing people in my family that make me happiest when I'm around them.
I need to be in all these place at once and my lack of ability to do so is letting me down.
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