Me, Myself, & I

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Lately, I've been pretty much depressed. I really hate the feeling of depression. I like to be spunky and happy and full of sunshine. But since I stepped on the scale a week or so ago, I've just been dark and gloomy.
The other day I read this article our publications office wrote on body image [couldn't come at a perfect time huh?] And it said something about how we all want to be the image of ourselves that we have in our mind. That is beyond true. I definitely see myself completely different in my mind. Then when I step on the scale or look in the mirror, I don't see that girl and it depresses me.
I got to thinking. We all see ourselves a certain way. We all change to fit a certain mode whether that be skinny or smart or whatever the word may be. But really, we should be focusing on the person WE will be happy with. If you're happy at 200 pounds, or at 130, or at 105 then awesome.
It's not the number on the scale that defines me. I define me. Somehow I lost that perspective. And here I am, depressed because I'm going home to family I haven't seen in awhile bigger than I was the last time they saw me. They aren't going to love me any less and somehow I forgot that.
I guess my point is instead of changing, I should strive to be the best version of myself. Not just in health, but in all aspects of my life.
This person I am now, is not the best version of Melissa. And I have been blessed with the ability to change that and be the best I can possibly be.
This isn't about being my ideal weight, or having top grades, or any of that. It's about being happy with who I am and embracing that. There is only one of me, and if I keep tearing her down the way that I have been, she isn't going to shine like she should.
I need to let her shine. This involves living to the best of my capabilities. Studying harder, eating better, working out, taking care of the mold I call myself.
Because if I can't take care of her, who will?