Life?

"I'm so ashamed of defeat, And I'm out of reason to believe in me." ~Seether

I guess I need to update. I've been avoiding bloggin because there really isn't much to write about in my life lately. Good stuff at least.
It's been a struggle lately and I've been dealing and trying to work through it all. I've pretty much reached this point where I'm just standing still trying to decide what to do now.
The school year is almost over and I'm pretty sure my grades this semester have cost me the scholarship that got me here. I've accepted that and have a plan.
My best friend is leaving after this year and I really don't know what I am going to do. My relationship with Michael is just in the dumps and she was the only thing keeping me going and keeping my head up. And now she's leaving.
Michael & I aren't on the best of terms. I could sit here and tell the million reasons why but I'd rather keep it private. There really is no relationship anymore. We don't laugh anymore, or hold hands, or go on dates. If we kiss, it's a once a day occasion.
This isn't where I saw this ending up. But that's life.
I once again have no where to go for the summer since I will NEVER EVER set foot under my father's roof again. So I am staying here in Evansville with Michael and it worries me. This could either help our relationship by giving us some time to sort things out or hurt it by adding to the already deteriorating relationship.
I have sense of being lost. I have no idea where I am going or where I want to go and my life needs some serious change. This isn't where I want to be but I don't know how to get out.
I could dump Michael and start from scratch but considering our cicumstances, it's not that simple.
I know I will figure this out sooner or later and get myself back on track. I've done it before. And maybe this summer is what I need. It's not going to be a fun summer of rivers and going out.
But it may be just what I need. With Michael working so much and everyone gone, I'll have a lot of time to myself to work out my head.
I just need to get throught he next two weeks and see where it all takes me.

And hopefully, I can find some reason to believe in myself again.