Hearts As Free As Toes

"Summer is where the girls go barefoot and their hearts are as free as their toes." ~Anonymous

As my freshman year has come to an end and summer is starting there's so many feelings and reflections that occur. Its crazy. I'm excited for summer, even though I'll miss Evansville. I've begun to feel at home and even though they don't have a triumphant arch and Cardinals' baseball, I love this city.

I normally don't like summer because I'm just not one for hot weather, but I have a feeling this is gonna be a good one. I'm gonna make it a good one. Flip flops, baseball, concerts, barefeet, BBQ, the river, family, friends, and love. What's not good about that?

I've decided to spend the summer with my sister Kelli.[!] I'm really excited to spend it with her, my brother in law, and niece. It's gonna be great.

Summer does leave me with some goals. With a break from school I have more time to focus on things that I've been meaning to get done and things that are just coming up. So I've decided to make a list and I'll definitely write about each as I complete them. Now that's determination. [=P]

~Summer Goals 2010~

~Driver's license

~Car

~Lose weight [!]

~Save for Harlaxton and just save money in general

~Apartment hunting! [more Michael's goal than mine]

~Catch up on reading

Let the summer begin!

Winding Down

"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis." ~Margaret Bonnano

So, I only have a week left of my freshman year of college and I can't believe it. It's crazy how fast time goes by and this year flew by. I have so many experiences and lessons I've taken from this year it's unbelievable. I've made friends, I've lost friends. I got my heart broken, I got it strenghtened. I fell out of love, I fell back in love. I cried, I laughed, I loved, I lost, I lived. It's amazing.

As things are winding down I'm faced with more decisions. What do I do for the summer? I want this summer to be my best yet and I have a good feeling that it will be. I'm waiting to hear back about this RA job. If I get it then I'll be able to stay here in beautiful Evansville. If not, then I've decided to go back to St. Louis. My dad is being a butt about that so I'll most likely end up staying with my sister and working in Foley. Either way is fine with me as long as I have a good time and make even more memories.

My last entries have been kinda crappy cuz I've been kinda crappy, which is why I chose that particular quote. You gotta take happiness day to day. When I really look at it, my life is going fairly well.

Michael is working so he'll be able to get an apartment in no time. We are still going strong. My grades are looking good for the end of this year. I have amazing friends and a good family. And I was definitely reminded of all this just this past weekend.

Sometimes we neglect to really cherish the things we already have. There's bad days, yes. But why focus on the bad things that happened that day when you can focus on little things that add up to a lot like a Wal-Mart run at midnight with friends, a phone call from your boyfriend just to say he loves you cuz he was thinking about you at work, or your mom saying she misses you. These things are little but they add up to a lot. They add up to your happiness at the end of the day.

I definitely look forward to more crazy-fun times with my friends, sweet moments with my Michael, and good times with my family. In the end, it's what makes life worth while and I see no problem with that.

Trouble Sleeping and Loneliness

"It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise." ~Eric Hoffer

Two entries within one day? Yeah that's right. I guess I just needed to write. Plus I can't sleep. And I'm feeling kind of lonely. And that always leads to thinking.

I'm still just worried about everything. I wanted to talk to Michael about it all but of course he was too busy. It's so weird. When I was an Army girlfriend, I was able to just deal and take care of myself and I got used to the loneliness. For some reason I lost that talent. I kind of wish I had it now. I have a feeling I'm going to be needing it. It's the distance again. I don't know why. I went through a deployment for christ's sake! Maybe it's because we were supposed to be getting things ready for an apartment but now... I don't know when we'll have it. I just wish things would fall into place. Not just for me, but for everyone. I want everyone to be happy. I want my best friend to get to see her boyfriend soon because she's missing him so much. I want my ex to be having a happy marriage. I want my old friends who I've lost or who I've just grown distant with all to be happy and getting what they wanted.

I just want it all to fall into place. I want my sacrifices and tears to mean something in the end. It scares me that it won't. Failure is always a fear.

I feel on the verge of tears and I really can't explain why. Stress? PMS? Realizations?

This is what it's like to be an adult. Taking thingd day by day and hoping for the best while working through things day by day. In the end, I just want to be the best person I possibly can. I want to be strong and I wanna be doing the right things for myself. I just want to succeede and hang on to happiness.

I don't know. I'm probably just rambling. Maybe I should stop. It's just I CAN'T SLEEP and I want to sooo bad. I'm not used to going to sleep without talking to Michael first. God it's only his first day and I'm already being a baby about him being too busy. I'm trying to keep in mind its toward our future but I don't know. I just really needed to talk to him tonight. And of course the thing you need is never available. I'll just get used to it I guess. I wish I still had that army girlfriend strength I used to have. I have no clue where it went. I miss it though.

Sigh...

Worries, Worries, Worries

"I won't worry my life away." ~Jason Mraz

So the semester is winding down and my body and mind has become a bottle of worries.

Every little grade to me is a chance to earn or lose my scholarship. I'm working my butt off to keep my grades up and the pressure is getting to me. I'm re-taking tests I don't so well on. I'm reading non-stop. I'm constantly pondering all my papers and all the things due. Constantly. It's not fun.
At least I only have 3 finals out of 5 classes That helps, I guess.

I had a job interview today for a summer job on the RA staff and I'm a bundle of worries that I'm not gonna get it. I did my best at the interview and I think I handled it well for it being my first job interview ever. I'm worried because I NEED this job. It's good pay and good experience and lets me stay in Evansville. I NEED to be able to stay here. If I don't get this job, I really don't know where to go next except off to my grandma's where I'm isolated from all my friends, from Michael, and from freedom. That just can't happen. I NEED this one thing to go right for me. If nothing else goes right I at least want this to.

Michael started his new job today and it's weird barely talking to him throughout the day. It's gonna take some getting used to, I guess. I was an army girlfriend for two years. THis is nothing compared to how that was.

I guess I'm just being a worrywart. I'm afraid nothing is gonna go right and it makes me nervous. Michael getting the apartment in May already fell through and I think it's got my cautious about everything else.

I guess I should keep in mind those very insightful words of Mr. Jason Mraz.

Was This Worth the Time to Write

"Life in true sense is perceiving or thinking."~ Aristotle

Sometimes we just have to sit back and think about things to make sense of them. Life is filled with so much going, going, going that sometimes we neglect to sit back and actually THINK about what's going on in our lives. Sometimes we neglect to savor the moment. And sometimes a little thought could have led to a better decision.

I've just had a few thoughts tumbling around in my mind that I guess I wanted to address. It's more for just peace of mind I guess. Since tomorrow is the beginning of a new weeks, I guess you could call it cleansing.

I realize I'm not a perfect person. I never thought that I was. I've made a lot of mistakes and decisions that maybe I'm not too proud of, but the fact of the matter is life goes on. If I could stop time and just re-do some things, I still would never change a thing because I'm learning from every moment.But the learning is an everyday process. I'm still not the person I wish to be.

One thing that's really been bugging me is certain comments people keep making about my relationship with Michael. Okay, yes I was "in love" with someone else just two months before I started dating Michael. Does this make me look bad? Most likely. Does it make me look fickle? Yes. Does it make me look as if I'm rebounding? Yes. I realize all these things and I acknowlede it. But what people don't realize is I didn't plan to be in a relationship right now. If you look at previous entries, I had planned to be single for awhile. That's what my intentions were. And if Michael wasn't in my life, I would still be single and I can guarentee that because I didn't want another relationship. I told Michael this numerous times. This relationship was not in my original plan. I was gonna focus on school and then go to my grandma's for the summer and that's what I had planned. People aren't getting that though and all they wanna do is judge. And it's really not fair because what they think is not how it went down. And I don't know why I'm gonna sit here and explain this but I'm only going to do it once. Yes, I loved Steven. But it was a love I formed when I was seventeen. I hadn't had much experience considering how my parents were and all that, but yes I was with him for two and half years and I had planned on marrying him. Things didn't turn out that way obviously. He got back from deployment, ended things, and married someone else all within a month. And I'm the fickle one? Things had gotten bad in the last 6 months of his deployment. Our relationship had been over for awhile before it was officially over. The love we once had was already gone. It took a lot pain to open my eyes. And looking back, I'm not angry anymore and I'm not bitter. But what people don't understand is Michael has ALWAYS been there. Even after I hurt him, he never left. He always wanted to be with me and I was blinded by everything with my ex that I never saw it or took the time to consider it. That was one of my biggest mistakes. There are people who look at me as if I'm doing something wrong by opening up again and being happy and in love. There is no time limit on how long it takes to fall in love. What do people expect me to do? Still be sitting here trying to get over my ex? No. It wasn't worth taking the time. I accepted it and I moved on. That's what you do in life and now I'm happier than I was before. I want my friends to see that aspect. Things change and things happen that open your eyes to stuff. That's what happened with me. I didn't go out and hook up with the first random guy I saw (which I could have easily done, it's college), I didn't run out and get married, nor did I rush into anything like that. I cried my tears, accepted what happened, went on with my life, and then Michael came in and told me how he felt. For weeks I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship. And then one day I just realized life was too short to just sit there and miss out on something that could be good. And here I am now.
For anyone who wants to say that my feelings aren't real or this relationship isn't real, I want to remind them that these are MY feelings. Not theirs. And I'd appreciate that people would just step back and stop judging. I know what I feel and I know what HE feels and that's what matters in the end. I'm happy so if you're my friend please jsut accept that and be happy that things turned out better for me than I had ever planned.It just happened that way. I'm not fickle and I'm not rebounding,

Another thing that's been on my mind is what I'm going to do with this writing degree that I'm in the process of earning. I know teaching isn't my thing and as I spend more time in copyediting I realize that editing really isn't my thing either. So what am I going to do? I want to write books but that's so hard to get into. I need a job that will give me a regular paycheck. Librarian, maybe? I don't know but I'm in the market for suggestions. I'd rather be a college graduate who is actually working.

Next, my parents. I admit I haven't been acting like an adult when it comes to them. And I realize that needs to stop. I can't go forever avoiding it. It's just not going to work. And I can't sit here and make excuses but that's not gonna fix anything. I want my parents to see me as an adult so I guess I need to act like one towards them.

Lately, people's opinions of me have really been bothering me...my friends, my family, ex-friends, and even Michael. It's bad that I take into account so much what people think but people's perspective of you can give you insight into things about yourself that you don't neccessarily notice. And there are certain things recently that I'm not too proud of and totally contradict the person I've been trying to be. I guess I should apologize. And I sincerely mean how sorry I am.

I don't know if anything I said means anything to anyone, but at this very moment, it's the best I can do and I hope it was worth the time to write.

And It's the Life With You That I Love

"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." ~Win Borden

I begin this entry with that quote just because it stands out to me. We are all guilty of waiting around until the moment presents itself to us. Why wait? If we're all waiting around for everything to feel "right" then how the hell will we ever live? Just a thought.

Life is still good. The semester is winding down so my weeks are filled with papers, presentations, and soon finals. I really can't believe freshman year is almost over. It went so fast and yet I learned so much. I guess that's the point of college. I had some hard times this year but I feel as if I bounced back pretty well. My life is back on a path that I'm fairly comfortable with.

I have this 10 page research paper coming up that I have to write and my topic is alcoholism. I chose it because I could relate to it from the background I was raised in. Also, I just want to understand it better. Anyway, I had to meet with my professor about it and we were talking about consequences and how wives may leave their alcoholic significant other and he brought up a point I had never even realized. What about the husband's needs? The wife may be doing what she feels is best for herself and her children, but the husband is a human being as well so what about him? Is she just supposed to leave him there to wallow in the addiction? What can you do when the person doesn't want help? All these questions are just dumbfounding me. I really feel this paper is gonna be more than the aggravation that papers usually are. I'm actually excited to write it because I know it will open my eyes to a lot.

Other than school, everything else is good too. I'm hoping to stay in Evansville for the summer. I've been filling out job applications and such for a summer job so I'm hoping to hear back from someone. Michael is still planning the big move for May 2nd and has an appointment with one apartment complex. It's hard not to get worried that it's all not gonna work out. But I have a tremendous amount of optimism and faith in the situation. He has a job already and it's just the apartment that needs to fall into place. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for everything.

Our relationship is still the best ever. We get along too well. It's crazy. I get to see him next weekend and I'm super estatic. Plus it'll be Sunset Concert. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, my boyfriend, and my friends? Now that's perfection.

Also, I'm determined to do this whole eat healthy thing. I really just want to lose weight. So yes I've gotten off to a good start today but the day isn't over. It's always at night where I have the problem with snacking. It's all about self-control. So that's another big thing going on in my life.

I feel as if I've taken my life more into my own hands. And normally that would be kinda scary but I trust myself more than anyone and that's what keeps me grounded. I'm not scared to just go out and do something because I want to. It's quite fullfilling. Hopefully my life stays on this track and it just keeps getting better.

Parents: How Do I Make Them Understand?

So, Michael and I have been dating a little over a month now and I have yet to tell my parents. They just know that I was considering it, and not that me and him have been dating that long already.

I don't know why I'm such a pushover when it comes to my parents. I swear I don't have a rebellious bone in my body. It sucks because I feel so held back by my parents sometimes and they always make me second guess things.

I still wish they didn't wanna control every aspect of my life. I could care less about my dad. It's my mom that gets me. She just wants to control who I date and she freaks out every time. I know she just wants the best for me and just doesn't want me to get stuck with a loser guy. But she should just understand that it's my choice and I wish she would trust my decisions because I am capable of making them myself and being smart about it.

I've already proved that I'm a responsible and mature adult. I got myself into college. I'm working two jobs and keeping track of all my finances. I've accomplished more on my own than I ever did there.

It urks me and I'm even more nervous about Michael because I REALLY want them to like him. He's come such a long a way and is so amazing. Plus he just makes me really happy and isn't that's what matters?

I've never been this happy. He keeps me motivated for school and he's always there when I need to listen. He's everything my mom has told me time and time again that I deserve. My grades are way higher than they were last semester because of a lot of help from Michael. He keeps me grounded and focused on what's important. He always makes sure I put him last.

I sound like I'm trying to convince them here, but in the end I gotta suck it up and tell them. It's my life, right? I'm in control, not them.

"The Fact is, One Grows Out of People, and the Only Thing is to Face It"

"It's no good trying to keep up old friendships. It's painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it." ~W. Somerset Maugham

I seem to be missing my old friends lately. Ya know, the friends you have in high school who you swear and make pacts with that you'll always be best friends. It's weird that back then high school seemed like it was never gonna end and then you hit college and adulthood and high school just becomes...well...high school.

The best friends I had in high school, I don't even talk to anymore and when we do talk it's awkward. I didn't notice how distant we all had grown until I talked to Jasmine who was my high school best friend and I realized how much out of the loop I really was. It's really weird how just months ago we knew every little detail about each other's lives, now we barely know who is dating who.

It just made me realize how I'm barely friends with anyone I used to be friends with. Sure, we talk now and again but that's not the same as actual friendship.

When I was going through a rough break up, only a select few people were there (you know who you are). But where was everyone else? It's sad to me how you can be so close to someone and then it all changes. I try to keep in touch with everyone but after awhile they just seem too busy to care so you just stop trying.

As I grow older I've noticed that you no longer have that huge group of friends, you have those select few people who you KNOW are gonna be there and will take the time to check up on you no matter how busy they get or how far they are. Those are the true friends.

Losing touch with old friends is life I've learned. It just happens. I just have to be grateful for the true friends who do stick around.

Self-Perception

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Is is good or bad?
Lately, all I've seen is bad. I really haven't liked my body image at all the past weeks. I hate getting dressed in the morning because I hate looking in the mirror. I just don't like what I see. I don't like my body at all. I hate it.
And then I look tired all the time and pale. I guess I'm just not seeing myself through "nice" eyes lately. Oh well right?
I'd like to sit here and say I am who I am but it doesn't feel that way when I always look like crap compared to people around me. Idk. Maybe I'm just being hard on myself. Whatever.

It's A Good Life

"All I want is a little of the good life/ All I need's to have good time"
Just an update on the lovely life of Melissa =)
Danielle and I hadn't talked in a week and she finally talked to me today and we talked things out. Everything is good again and I have one of my best friends back. You have no idea how happy that makes me!!!!
Also, today is me and Michael's first anniversary ever. hehe It's been really fantastic. Although it's sad we can't see each other, it's still been great. I feel pretty lucky. I get to see him soon and he says he has a big surprise for me so I can't wait =) He's decided he's moving here the first week of May so that we can end this distance thing. He's already found a pretty good apartment he likes. It's beautiful and is pretty inexpensive. Also, he's been contacted about online classes so when he gets settled in, he'll get to start those next fall. I'm so proud of him. He's brought himself so far after falling so low and now he's getting everything put together and taking control of his life. He wants to go into criminal justice. I think he'd be great at that. Like I said, I'm so proud of him.
Lately, I've just felt really lucky. My life is going in a good direction and I'm really proud of it. I don't think I've been this happy. My classes are going better, I've grown closer with my TRUE friends, and I've moved on from a pretty dark time in my life to something better.
Like Marilyn Monroe once said "Good things fall apart so greater things can come together."
And I've truly had some great things fall into place. I just hope it keeps getting better.

Champagne for my Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends

Even though half the time, Fall Out Boy's songs mean absolutely no sense, this title and even a few of the lines totally fit what happened to me.
"They say, "You want a war? You've got a war." But who are you fighting for? The tides out, the ships run aground. We drown traitors in shallow water."
But my question is who is the traitor here: me or Danielle?
I dated Michael first, and then she dated him, and now I unexpectedly started dating him again. I didn't plan it to happen. It's not I like a sat there and plotted it. This is beginning to be little childish middle school crap and I had enough and I told her straight up. I'm sick of her stupid ass comments to me and publicly on my statuses. I'm sick of her trashing MY boyfriend to everyone including to him. I'm sick of her games and petty drama she starts with him until the point that he's exploding at her to leave him alone. It's bullcrap and I had enough.
I wish she would get over it. We are adults. This isn't Junior High. It would be different if he and her had dated for a year or longer. No, they dated two months. TWO MONTHS! That's nothing to act like this over.
Plus she wants to sit there and complain about how bad a boyfriend he was to her yet the way she's acting now doesn't make her look any better. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER and her and Michael are prime example.
The crap they went through happened last Novemeber. This is almost April. And it's not like she hasn't moved on. She's went out with plenty of guys. She's just being selfish and can't let Michael be happy, which he finally is.
I don't know if she's jealous or just trying to be plain difficult but it aggravates me. If she was really my friend she would just be happy for me because I'm happy. But no. She has to be selfish.
I do feel sorry if she got hurt by him, but that's between her and him and it's in the past. THE PAST! She doesn't need to act like that with me. It's not my fault they weren't meant to be together and me and him just so happen to be more compatible. We're happy. I wish she would be happy too. It's just frustrating.

Sunshine and a Little Luck

So, my last post was so negative I figured I'd write another now that I'm feeling better. The sun finally came out today and it's hard not be happy when the sun is out. Also, today is St. Patrick's day, the day of luck, and it got me thinking about just how lucky I really am. I mean, I was able to get myself into college, get two jobs, and become completely independent of my parents. Not only that, but I have some great people in my life who I'm pretty lucky to have. I guess I wanted to focus this entry on them.
My brother James. He was like my best friend growing up. With all the drama between our parents we always needed each other for support. Now he's all grown up and becoming the protective brother and I still see him as my little goofy baby brother.
My gramps: He had to have been the best male figure in my life. He never lets anything bring him down. He's always been a quiet man without much to say but when he does say something, you automaticaly listen. I have tremendous respect for him.
My Grandma: She had an alcoholic husband and had enough strength to leave him. She hasn't needed a man since. I believe that speaks for itself.
My sister: We were never that close but I've always looked up to my sister. She's always been this free spirit who radiated strength. Looking at her, you know she won't take crap off of anyone. I've always admired that. Plus, she's such a great mom to my niece. She would do anything for that little girl.
My mom: Even though me and her differ on a lot of things, she's always just wanted the best for me and she pushes me to do my best. Plus, she's gotta be a strong woman to put up with my dad.
Kenzie: I got lucky with her just because she didn't turn out to be one of those crazy roommates. But also She has been a great friend. She puts up with all my annoying habits and in the end I know she loves me. She's been there for a lot of tears. I don't know where I would be without this girl.
Michael: Now when I say he is the most amazing boyfriend ever, I mean it. I can't even express how lucky I am to have a guy like him love me so much. He has been there for me through everything and he loves me to death. I couldn't have asked for anyone better than him.
Other people I definitely have to mention are Danielle, Sunnie, Cyndi, Jess, Angela, Clarissa, Jennifer, and Beth. They've all been great friends and have been there even after college.
Overall, I guess I'm a pretty lucky person. I just hope I've been just as great of a person to these people as they are to me.

Just Angry

I don't know what my deal is. I'm filled with so much anger today. Sure, my spring break sucked and things aren't going exactly how I would want them.
Everytime I turn around, my past is biting me in the butt. My so called father treated me like crap the ENTIRE time I was home. I've spent months trying to move on from his abuse and alcoholism and within one week I was sucked right back into the middle of it. I had to make the decision that I'm never going back to stay there which mostly likely means I won't have a relationship with him. In some sense, I feel bad that I don't want him in my life, but why should I? He does nothing but tear me down. I've been a mess since I've been around him. I'm tired of him in my life. It's time to be done.
Then my so called friend ruined my last day with my boyfriend and I'm just pissed. Friends don't do that no matter what the circumstances are. To me it just showed how little she cares about my happiness.
Also to top things off my ex and his wife think it's okay to keep trying to contact me and it's really pissing me off. I stay out of their life for a reason... I DON"T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM. It makes me angry that he of all people after all the crap he did to me and put me through thinks he can keep putting his stupid selfish presence in my life. No, he lost that privilege when he decided to screw me over and treat me like dirt.
I'm angry because I went on spring break with goals and NOTHING got accomplished. I didn't even manage to get my license because of my stupid dad and I have no idea what to do.
And I'm mad that my boyfriend lives in Saint Louis and I'm sick of people telling me to find someone here. I just wish people would shut their mouths. I'm sick of hearing everyone's opinion. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I should be happy right now and I'm not and that's making me even more angry. I hate my stupid alcoholic dad who doesn't get it, my friend who thinks revenge gets her what she wants, stupid exes who don't get the hint, and stupid long distance.
UGH.

How is this possible?

Wow. I don't know how this is possible? You're not supposed to be this in love after a week. What am I, crazy?
I've never been this happy. He's absolutely amazing.
People are gonna say that's so stupid. You can't fall in love in a week. You're using this as a rebound, just knock it off.
Don't think this thought hasn't occured to me. And trust me, I've thought a lot.
This is definitely NOT a rebound. This is something real. I don't feel blinded. Nor do I feel as if he occupies every aspect of my being. That's how I know this isn't a rebound. This is just what it is.
He makes me smile more than anyone. He brings out the best in me and that's something I've never found in a boy. When he speaks, you can just feel the love in his voice. We get along perfectly. Sure, we have room for disagreements, but it never goes that far.
For once, I finally see the connection of "my boyfriend is my best friend." I've never had that before. I've always been put on the outside trying to look in. With Michael, he seems to fit me in without a problem because he WANTS me there.
I've always wanted someone to fit into my life without forcing him. I have yet needed to try. It amazes me, but I just don't need to try.
I've never felt able to completely be myself and he just brings it out. That's gotta be something real.
Deep down, I think I've always known there was something here and everyday it gets deeper. I've never met a guy who treated me this well without being told. I've never once had to show him or tell him how I want to be loved. He just does it.
For once, I don't have to make a single sacrifice because he finds me worth it all. He's moving here soon to close the distance. For once, someone finds me worth not leaving. He sees me as worth being with everyday.
So to those who say there's no way I can be in love and feel as if he just might be what I've been looking for all along, you're wrong.
When you find that person, you just know. And there isn't a doubt in the world.
I know I've said this in the past, but little did everyone know that I doubted him everyday.
With Michael, I'm completely free.

Sometimes College Isn't Fun

I swear sometimes I hate college. All the professors know that we all have spring break fever right now yet they give us papers and exams, seriously?
I can't even get my brain on my paper topic, let alone write this five page paper analyzing how Gandhi was compassionate. If spring break wasn't starting tomorrow this paper would be a piece of cake.
I love college most of the time. And I love being here, but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by all this crap. I know this is my own fault. I should just buckle down and do what's expected of me but there are just some nights when my MIND JUST WON"T FOCUS.
I really just want to go to sleep and not have a care in the world. I wanna sit here and daydream about the fantastic spring break I have ahead of me.
But no.
I can't.
Because I'm a college student.